Secret Squirrel

I am not sure what to do with this blog. I suppose I created it so that people would see it, but I am not certain what I really expect to get out of it. I feel strange and narcissistic when I post updates on Facebook and the light, touting my new blog posts- but I make myself do it because I feel if you’re going to chronicle yourself on the internet, you are meant to inform your friends about it. Really, I originally started this so that I could encourage myself to be more creative by having a hub to post my photos and drawings.

This post is a good deal more personal than what I usually put up- usually I don’t write at all! But I have been a bit down and introspective lately so I’m going to vent a bit.

I think it may be coming down from the excitement of moving and starting a new job. I frequently bounce in between craving change, shaking things up and just wanting to stay at home watching movies that I’ve already seen several times. At the moment I am in between both of these feelings. Moving to Toronto was such a big deal for such a long time, now that it has finally happened and I am settled I am not really sure what to do with myself.
For example: back in Ottawa I used to bike to work every day and now my new office is too far away to do that, so I am getting significantly less exercise than I used to. During the week I go out a lot with friends, so I am feeling guilty about spending money and eating junk, and I come down from my busy weeks by shutting myself off in my apartment for the weekend- eating more junk and watching horror movies.

Like "The Exorcist"

So what I guess is happening is I’m in a bit of a rut at the moment; I don’t feel like me. I know I should be taking better care of myself but I just can’t seem to get up the initiative to do it, then I get these intense feelings of guilt because I am so lucky and fortunate in my life that I really don’t have the right to feel down on myself.

I think I am going to start going to yoga ┬ánext week, which will hopefully get me back into the swing of regular exercise- and I am hoping now that the excitement of seeing all my old friends in the city is over, I can now go out visiting with more moderation. I got out some anxiety this morning by setting up my camera on a rickity pile of thick books (one of these days I’ll invest in a tripod) and jumping on the bed for a bit. Sometimes regressing back to the more carefree person I was when I was a kid is just what the doctor ordered!

So excuse this silly post. It may end up being an interesting development in my life, using my blog as an outlet for my frustrations. Oftentimes my photos and drawings do represent what I am feeling at a given time, but trying to be more literal about what I am thinking by writing down those thoughts is a bit of a weight off my shoulders as well. This was a bit tricky to articulate, I am definitely not a writer!

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend – xo

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3 Responses to Secret Squirrel

  1. Jason says:

    Without a shadow of a doubt, the best post on Inneresting!

    God that is a tough spot to be in. It must feel like you are being tugged in a number of directions and at the same time not being tugged enough in ways you’re used to. A new home, a new job, a new set of people, and a whole new routine. Damn!

    Getting exercise is a wicked idea! Miss our yoga classes :) If it helps at all I can say you’re not alone in feeling like that at times! Sometimes when I’m at home on my own and all out of sorts I just strap on my running shoes and lose myself in the music and that good kind of “pain” from pushing yourself to your limits. Perhaps in some ways it seems like you’re just pouring pain from one thing into the other, or rather, attempting to push it away by making your body feel something for a while so your brain can rest. However, a positive way to look at it is just boosting that connection between body and mind by keeping both active. Yoga happens to do both! When in doubt – Music plus running shoes, bike, or yoga mat. Take your pick :)

    Life can seriously be confusing as hell sometimes but you know, allow yourself these introspective and strange moments. You’ve got yourself some friends out here in the wide world that have got your back every step of the way, and no matter how many weird curveballs life can conjur up for you, this much at least will never change :) High five and will see YOU in just a few weeks! High five and keep chill.

    p.s. *Amazing* photos. No really, I’m saving them now. Your hair is awesoooome too!

    • Kate says:

      Thanks Jas! You’re always such a great source of support. How can I learn to be even a fraction as wise as you? Is there some special pill I can take maybe?
      A note to everyone else out there: If you ever need some perspective on how to keep it real, Jason is your man. Love ya, buddy!

  2. Paul says:

    Great post, great photos.

    I think after a move your internal compas gets all messed up, because it’s such a change of routine and situation. I think with some time you’ll re-orient, and then you’ll feel even more you-like than before. Besides, you dont grow if you dont push yourself, and the challenges associated with uprooting your life definitely qualify.

    I guess all that to say don’t let Captain Falcon kick you while you’re down

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