I am not sure what to do with this blog. I suppose I created it so that people would see it, but I am not certain what I really expect to get out of it. I feel strange and narcissistic when I post updates on Facebook and the light, touting my new blog posts- but I make myself do it because I feel if you’re going to chronicle yourself on the internet, you are meant to inform your friends about it. Really, I originally started this so that I could encourage myself to be more creative by having a hub to post my photos and drawings.
This post is a good deal more personal than what I usually put up- usually I don’t write at all! But I have been a bit down and introspective lately so I’m going to vent a bit.
I think it may be coming down from the excitement of moving and starting a new job. I frequently bounce in between craving change, shaking things up and just wanting to stay at home watching movies that I’ve already seen several times. At the moment I am in between both of these feelings. Moving to Toronto was such a big deal for such a long time, now that it has finally happened and I am settled I am not really sure what to do with myself.
For example: back in Ottawa I used to bike to work every day and now my new office is too far away to do that, so I am getting significantly less exercise than I used to. During the week I go out a lot with friends, so I am feeling guilty about spending money and eating junk, and I come down from my busy weeks by shutting myself off in my apartment for the weekend- eating more junk and watching horror movies.
So what I guess is happening is I’m in a bit of a rut at the moment; I don’t feel like me. I know I should be taking better care of myself but I just can’t seem to get up the initiative to do it, then I get these intense feelings of guilt because I am so lucky and fortunate in my life that I really don’t have the right to feel down on myself.
I think I am going to start going to yoga next week, which will hopefully get me back into the swing of regular exercise- and I am hoping now that the excitement of seeing all my old friends in the city is over, I can now go out visiting with more moderation. I got out some anxiety this morning by setting up my camera on a rickity pile of thick books (one of these days I’ll invest in a tripod) and jumping on the bed for a bit. Sometimes regressing back to the more carefree person I was when I was a kid is just what the doctor ordered!
So excuse this silly post. It may end up being an interesting development in my life, using my blog as an outlet for my frustrations. Oftentimes my photos and drawings do represent what I am feeling at a given time, but trying to be more literal about what I am thinking by writing down those thoughts is a bit of a weight off my shoulders as well. This was a bit tricky to articulate, I am definitely not a writer!
I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend – xo